Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
be right there i have to get my cape
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
