Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
