Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
