Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and she was petting her beer can
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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