Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
