Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
