Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Alive.
So much puke
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
