she woke up with a sticky ear
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
