Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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