I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
