I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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