Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
