what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize