I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
