I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
