You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
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oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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