I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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