Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
