We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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