Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
