So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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