i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
