I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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