I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
