yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
