I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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