I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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