I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
