so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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