I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
