my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
