He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
