Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
