oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
