WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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