i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
