I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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