At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
