so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
3pm strippers are depressing
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
