The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
