i think my tv is drunk
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
