So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize