i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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