Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
