Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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