How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
