4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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