Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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