I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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