Sry I called you an 8
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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