i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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