Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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