OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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