pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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