walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
