i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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