I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
