Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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