I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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