we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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