Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
