I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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