just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
