The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
