I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
