Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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