Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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