The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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