Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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